According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
