paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
