don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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