i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
