I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
