weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
