New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
