OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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