I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
