When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
