the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
