At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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