Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
