I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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