This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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