I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
