I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just threw up on my dentist
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
