So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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