Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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