just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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