i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
