I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
