we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
