my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
smell my finger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
