I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
