I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
