How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
