She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
