It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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