You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
