Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
