Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
