I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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