I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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