You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
