I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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