They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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