if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
