she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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