your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
