I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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