My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
