I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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