you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's get the cat blown out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
