i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
