Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
