i think my tv is drunk
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
