don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
