I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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