I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
