my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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